Broken Hallelujah
by dsmldejection
Summary: During Eclipse: Bella will finally be changed! But, what happens next? Does the change go fine with a happily ever after as she struggles for control, or will there be complications? Read and find out! Some gore possible, as well as possible language...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys, for those of you who have already read some of my other work, you know I'm dsmldejection, and my stories are very depressing. I'll try and make this one a little less depressing, but I can't guarantee that. Writing is my depressive outlet, and I've been feeling pretty nasty lately.

At any rate, I think I need to let you know a little about this story, before we begin. First of all, this is after Bella and Edward's wedding. No, that does not mean it's during Breaking Dawn, and the same type storyline will not be followed. Most of my stories take place in Eclipse. So here, there is no friendship between the pack and the Cullens. Uhm, also, I do a lot of Edward's POV, seeing as a lot of my readers like it best. So some parts will be written in Edward's, some in Bella's, and some I'll write both. You'll just have to read and see. They have gone to Denali, and that is where this story begins...

-cough-

Enjoy!

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**BPOV**

"Oh, Alice! That color is beautiful! Sorry I doubted you!" Alice snickered and bent her head back to my toes, wiping another coat of a bright red nail polish across their surfaces.

"I told you! I saw that you would like it, and how strange," She plastered a very fake amazed look on her face. "My vision _actually_ came true! That's unheard of!" I laughed along with her, mine slightly apologetic and hers like wind chimes. We silenced and I pictured the day that I would be as beautiful as her.

_Tomorrow_.

Edward was out with Carlisle on a hunt, building his strength for tomorrow. They would be practicing control, and most importantly, making himself stop. That would be the hardest for him. My blood was so much sweeter than any other for him, and no mountain lion could measure up. Sure, he could stop drinking that, but what about me?

I had no doubt in him. Our love was strong enough to make him stop. I looked at his ring in my finger, and remembered when he'd placed it there.

"_Edward," Emmett smiled, saying his brother's name. "Do you take Bella as your lawfully wedded wife?" Edward's smile grew larger, and he responded in a whisper I knew everyone could hear._

"_Of course, and so very much more." My heart skipped a few beats, losing myself in the fury of his eyes._

"_Bella, do you take Edward to be your lawfully wedded husband?" I paused, forgetting to respond. Edward's face crumpled slightly, but I gasped, quickly realizing my mistake._

"_Yes." I breathed._

_Emmett laughed his booming laugh. "I now pronounce you husband and wife!" He turned to Edward. "You may now kiss the bride!" He leaned to me, and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the moment._

A knock sounded lightly from the door, pulling me quickly out of my trance. I looked to the clock, realizing it was already eleven and that Edward was due to be home. I looked down to Alice, who was putting the finishing touches on my toes. My eager eyes must have given me away.

She let out a heavy sigh. "All right, go ahead." I jumped from my seat, and she yelled after me. "Be careful, though! They aren't completely dry!" I reached the door and turned the knob slowly. It responded, and I pulled open the door, revealing the face of my angel.

His slightly damp hair was strewn out around his head, framing his face in the most desirable way possible. His lips were placed into a slight smile, my favorite crooked smile. My eyes met his, and I grasped the doorway for help standing. They were a liquid gold, brighter than I'd ever thought I'd seen them before. He laughed seeing me lose my balance, and picked me up off the floor and carried me out of Alice's room.

"Thank you, Alice." He said, not turning to face her. "I needed that last little hunt." He brought me to his room and placed me softly on the plush bed. He climbed in after me without missing a beat and wrapped his arm behind my head, his other tracing circles in my stomach. Goosebumps raised in the tracks of his cold finger, and I suppressed a shutter, knowing he would mistake it for being cold.

"Hello, love." He whispered. "How was your night?"

I paused for a moment, catching my breath. "It was alright. Esme made finger foods. They were very good. Oh, and Alice painted my toes." I looked down to them, wiggling them slightly.

Edward laughed quietly. "They're beautiful. Though they mask your scent a bit." He sniffed and faked a gag. I laughed along side him and ruffled his plastered hair.

"Snowing, I assume." He smiled.

He smiled and nodded.

I looked out the window and stared at the white ground of Alaska. We had moved here just after the wedding, pretending to go to college. Instead, we were here to change me. By this time in three days, I would be a vampire.

I turned my head from the window and caught Edward's eyes, looking very worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice terrified.

He sighed. "Nothing really. I'm just trying to be sure of myself... that I can actually do it without..."

He didn't continue. We both knew what he was talking about. We'd discussed it several times before, and the day was completely planned out. Carlisle would give me a slight sedative, and Edward would begin working, Carlisle at his side the whole way. As soon as he was finished, whether he wanted to or not, Edward would leave the room to catch a few breaths of fresh air while Carlisle cleaned up my wounds, so that my blood was not fresh in the air. Then, they would wait.

"I have complete confidence in you. You can do this!" I smiled and he did as well, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I... I just have a bad feeling about this. Like something will go wrong."

"Nonsense. Everything will go just fine." A yawn escaped my lips and I smiled, upset about being caught.

"You're tired. It's late, at any rate. You need to be well rested for tomorrow." I smiled and nodded reluctantly.

"I love you, my angel." He planted a kiss on my eager lips. But it didn't feel right.

"I love you too." Drifting to sleep, I thought about the kiss. What made it feel wrong? It was worry-some, which made sense. Edward was worried about tomorrow. But there was a hint of terror. Was he that scared about it? I wasn't able to think about it further, for sleep stole my thoughts away, and replaced them with dreams of a happier Edward.

EPOV

I watched her sleep, a favorite thing to do of mine. She tossed a bit, murmuring my name at times. Once, she smiled and told me she loved me in her sleep. I smiled as well and brushed a bit of her hair out of her eyes. We sat for hours- her in a deep sleep and me, just along for the ride. Once, I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep myself, blocking out the thoughts of my family and just pretending to live.

After what seemed like not long enough, the sun began to rise. Bella wanted to be woken up at eight, and so at that time, I woke her. She was reluctant, but once she opened her eyes, she was fully awake.

"Good morning, dearest Bella. How was your sleep?" She smiled and yawned slightly.

"Beautiful. I only dreamt of you." I smiled and watched as she faltered and moved to get up.

"Human moment." She joked. My heart hurt a bit, knowing it would be one of her last human moments. I gave her some privacy, blocking out the sounds of her getting in the shower and getting dressed. She appeared fifteen minutes later, smelling of strawberries and freesia. I smiled and held out my arms as she walked toward me. We sat for a few minutes, but her stomach growled and without a thought, I carried her downstairs and made her an egg. She laughed at me when I made faces at the food and blushed when I watched her eat.

After breakfast, I carried her back to our room and we sat, watching slight amounts of snowflakes fall. I couldn't help but count out the numbers on the clock change, as we grew closer and closer to noon, when we would begin the change. We sat in silence most of the time, enjoying having each other there. Close to the time, Alice came in and sat on the floor by us. She talked with us for a few minutes, telling us she'd watched for her future and thought everything would work just fine. I smiled and thanked her as she left the room, planting a peck on Bella's cheek.

"Where is Alice going?" Bella asked me a few minutes later.

"She's taking Jasper out of the house for the three day's time. Feeling your pain would be nearly unbearable for him, so we're having him avoid it all together." She thought for a moment and nodded. Right after, Carlisle came in.

"Hello Bella, Edward." He looked to me quickly.

_How is she?_ he thought.

I nodded, telling him it was all right. To Bella, it merely looked like my response to Carlisle's greeting.

"Well then, it's time to start. I suggest you lie on the bed, so that you're most comfortable." He spoke to Bella, and gestured to the bed. She nodded and walked, pulling me along with a giggle. I stood by the bed and she laid down on the bed above the sheets. Carlisle walked to the far side of the bed and pulled out a needle. Bella's heart rate picked up and I laughed, rubbing a soothing circle into the palm of her hand. She smiled at me and looked away as Carlisle injected her with the sedative. Her smell changed slightly as the sedative moved through her body, mixing with her blood.

Her eyes drooped and she smiled tiredly to me as I kneeled at her side. I kissed her passionately on her lips for a few moments and then kissed a line from her mouth, to her jaw, to her neck. I paused for a moment and looked up to Carlisle who had moved behind me. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and nodded as I leaned back down and brushed my lips along her neck. I paused in mid brush and quickly pulled my lips back, sinking my teeth into her soft flesh.

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A/N: This is just a beginner. The real action comes in a few chapters. You'll see... Uhm, that's all I got to say... More to come some time soon!

-dsmldejection


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey guys, sorry it was so long 'til another chapter. I honestly lost track of time until a friend of mine pulled me back. Hopefully you could forgive me... lol

Uhm, OK, next chapter, this one's a bit more eventful than the last one. Hopefully this one will please you all... I really have good feelings about this story, so I hope you can bare with me.

Lastly, I'd hope you could... 'do me a solid?' Right... I really think you should listen to something while you read this. I wrote the chapter to it, so I think it kinda goes with it, a little...

So yeah, just go to youtube or whatever and search 'Narcolepsy Third Eye Blind'. The url is :  
.com/watch?v=NaVs21uV5-0

Just copy and paste if it doesn't show up as a link... I really hope you'll do this for me. It's kinda important.

Please and thank you! Don't forget to review! They mean so much!

Most of all, enjoy!

-dsmldejection

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EPOV

Her blood was warm and sweet on my longing lips. I stopped for a moment and felt it on my tongue, but remembered my mission and pulled away. I looked into her eyes for a moment, and she smiled an encouraging smile to me. I nodded, completely focused, and bent back to her, biting her wrists next. I moved to her knees, but the pain began to show. She gasped and clamped her mouth shut, trying to stay quiet in her sedated daze. She tossed and twitched, and Carlisle had to hold her legs still in the air so that I could bite them.

When I was finished, I reluctantly left her side to take a few breaths of air while Carlisle took care of her. He called me back a few minutes later and I took a seat at her side.

Watching her, it seemed wrong.

The change, it seemed, was going far too quickly. Where I had bitten her was already almost completely changed, in a five inch diameter circle. Her hands, which were grasped into tight fists, were pale and very vampire-like. The venom injected into the backs of her knees moved down first, transforming her legs and feet. The venom in her neck moved in very hard to track movements, changing her shoulders, her lower back, her throat, and most of her face. Though it worried me, I was indescribably in awe. She had been amazingly beautiful in her human form, but now, enhanced in this supernatural way, she was perfect. I breathed heavily, trying to engulf myself in what was left of the sweet smell of her blood. I kept track of the changes, when the sedative was mostly burned out of her system, and when the blood was nearly overcome with venom.

Once most of the sedative was gone, she started tossing more. The muscles in her neck pulled tight and I watched as she bit down on her bottom lip. A whimper escaped her lips and she cried out several times. Not knowing what to do, I reached out to touch her forehead, trying to comfort her in some way. But when I touched her head, it was far from warm. I felt my eyebrows knit together and my stature tense as I felt around her body. Her hands were cold, as were most of her arms. I listened closely and noticed that her heart was beating marginally slower.

"Bella," I said, voice wary. "Bella, please, can you hear me, love? I need you to hear me." I panicked and felt my throat close up in horror.

"Carlisle?" I called out. "Carlisle something's wrong." I didn't look up as the door opened behind me. I smelt the air change as he came up behind me and moved to the other side of the bed. I watched in a terrified daze as he checked her pulse, listened to her heart, looked at her eyes, and tried speaking to her again. With each test, his eyebrows pulled more and more into the form mine stood now. He paused for a moment, standing back up straight, and I opened my mind to his thoughts. Panicked, I only heard one word.

_Coma._

Without thinking, I sucked in a terrified gasp.

"A coma? Are you serious? Carlisle please talk to me." I begged him without leaving room for him to speak. I took a breath, closing out the need to sob. Carlisle stared at the bed for a moment longer, and finally his eyes met mine. I closed out his thoughts, wanting to hear it directly from him.

"I'm sorry. I'm almost certain she's in a coma. Her heart rate's slowed so much, and she's completely unresponsive. We'll keep watch over her and hopefully she might pull out of it." I gulped when I heard the doubt in his voice. "At any rate, she's seemed to have changed far enough to not need any food or drink, but the need for blood hasn't come to her attention, it's much too early for that... We'll try to give her blood in a few hours, just to make sure she won't snap awake and get out of hand." Carlisle, without another word, turned and left the room. I stared blankly at nothing and backed up slowly. The backs of my knees hit the edge of the chair placed by the bed, and I involuntarily plopped down into it. I shook my head side to side once the sobs began, and leaned forward to the side of the bed. Without thinking, I moved my arms up to her hand and held it tight. I studied her face closely as I sat in near silence.

Her whole face, though completely limp and still from the coma, seemed to hold a faint light of pain. Her lips, though full and otherwise healthy looking, were dry and cracked, as if she was severely dehydrated. The color in her face had slightly drained out, whether from the coma or her change I could not tell. Mostly, I longed to see her eyes. But I was too scared to touch her face, as if that would be too much for me. I familiar burning lit in the back of my throat, but I pushed it out of my mind, not wanting to even think of leaving her side.

I lost all sense of time as I stared at her, even though I found myself counting her heartbeats. After an uncountable amount of time, I heard the door open slowly behind me, and the smell of blood waft in through the breeze carried from the movement. The flame ignited stronger and the venom flowed without end, but I swallowed hard and bent my head farther. I listened to the sounds of the room, the stranger's footsteps, the sloshing of blood in a strange container, and the gentle thud of my beloved's heartbeat...

And it all stopped.

My head snapped up with the sudden silence, and I noticed Esme across the bed from me, a plastic cup of blood in her hands. My eyes stayed on Esme for a fraction of a second, and then I moved to Bella. My eyes grew wide as I realized her heart had stopped beating. I rose in silence from the chair, and ignored the smell when Esme-- horror struck-- dropped the cup on the floor, spilling it's contents. My once wary fingertips flashed to her face, and I held my Bella, listening to be sure of my discovery. When all was quiet, I started CPR, pushing air into her lungs and beating on her chest. I did not control my strength at first, but when I hit her once and didn't hear any cracks, breaks, or fractures, I continued without a thought. I tried for as long as I could-- until Carlisle came to my side and called Emmett to restrain me. I let the sobs rise in my throat and burst into the once silent room as I struggled against Emmett pulling me away-- pulling me to where I could not see my Bella.

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A/N: OK, here you go!

Did the music do anything for you? I myself love Third Eye Blind... great in concert... anyway, I'm rambling.

So what did you think if the chapter? It was a bit short, but here's how I write:

I write as many chapters as I can, but sometimes I get bored with it and pretty much throw out an ending. It's usually not that great, and it's kinda disappointing.

So with this type of writing, I'm just trying to make sure you get the best of my personal writing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and will review for me.

Once, just once? Please? lol

Thanks,

-dsmldejection


	3. Chapter 3

I struggled, using all the strength I had against his tight grip as Emmett carried me with a frown down first few steps. By the time we reached the ground floor, I had burned out all the anger. I sighed and nodded to Emmett's worried stare and he let me down, wary. He seemed to slowly pull himself together once I doubled over, grasping the railing to keep from falling. I listened as Carlisle looked the corpse over and then when Esme pulled a sheet over it with a small sob. I did not meet Rosalie's eyes as she came from her room, walked down the stairs, and fell into Emmett's arms. She invaded my thoughts without much fight, and her 'voice' destroyed the silence.

_Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry, Edward. I... I feel so horrible. I was horrible to her. I should have... I- _

I shook my head and she quieted as I climbed the first few steps. I felt the weight of the situation nearly crush me as I reached the top of the stairs. I closed my eyes, searching for an escape, but my stomach flipped when Bella stared back at me behind my eye lids. With a shudder I opened them and slowly neared the door to my room. Esme and Carlisle met me at the doorway, Esme containing heavy, dry sobs and Carlisle leaking an obvious and wholehearted guilt. Esme, whose arms had been wrapped around Carlisle's torso, came to me and hugged me tightly. I suppressed a dark laugh when I realized it felt like she was trying to hold my wobbling frame together. Maybe this was what _she _felt like when I left her. Funny, how I'd already somehow trained myself to not say her name. Esme's sob yanked me out of my daze in a dizzying way. I placed my right hand on the back of her head and lowered my face to the top of her head. Carlisle silently placed his right hand on my left shoulder and looked down, almost shameful and embarrassed.

"Carlisle, please don't think that way. There's nothing any of us could have done. You served her exceptionally well... I couldn't have asked for more." He sighed and shut his eyes for a moment.

"Yes, I keep trying to tell myself that as well. God knows Esme feels the same way." We both looked down to her as she took a deep breath and turned, laying her head sideways on Carlisle, her cheek on his left shoulder. "I... I just can't seem to make myself believe it." _I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. _He added in his mind. His hand dropped dismally to his side and I placed my hand on his shoulder. My heart plummeted into my stomach when I took in a deep breath and smelt the angry, depressing smell of death waft from the room. I shuddered and turned, moving down stairs. The silence was broken when the door quite nearly slammed open. My pace quickened just as Alice burst through the door, Jasper hot on her heels. She took one look at Emmett and Rosalie, holding each other together at the base of the stairs and she whispered,

"No." Her head snapped at almost a painfully quick speed to my face, and then she knew.

"No. I... I couldn't be sure... It was all so unfocussed. I... I couldn't tell." I nodded and turned to Jasper, who I noticed stayed in the doorway. I was confused for a moment, but then realized what the emotional climate must be like. He looked to me once a wave of realization leaked off of me and I bowed my head and private apology. He did the same for me. I nodded and continued down the stairs to give Alice a hug. She bent her head into my chest and I braced myself for the sobs. She guessed what I was thinking.

_I can't let myself get too out of control. Jazz is already in enough pain... He couldn't hide the cringe once we turned up the driveway... not by a long shot. Even since I saw the first vision and forced us to pack up and come back I've been guarding my emotions._

She looked up at me for some kind of recognition, and I moved my eyes swiftly to the back door. I knew she would know I was suggesting a private hunt for the two of us. She seemed to pause, deliberating.

_Yes... But not until we handle... this. We can't just leave her there. You need to strike up the conversation of her burial if Carlisle doesn't do it soon._ I turned, pained and walked back up the stairs in a horror filled stare. Carlisle and Esme moved without a sound to the side as I entered the room and sat in the chair beside her bed. I bent my head and pulled her hand out from under the sheet, still suppressing sobs. I listened but did not respond to Carlisle entering the room.

He shut the door silently behind him and spoke.

"What do you want to do?" I thought and stood, facing him.

"We'll go back to Forks, and give her a proper burial. Nothing big, no family but ours. I think it's what will be... best." I choked out the last word and moved to Carlisle's side, where he stopped me.

_I'm so sorry, Edward. _He thought. I nodded and walked out the door and out the back door of the house without a glance to any of my family. The snow had stopped but the frost still covered the ground. I thought before moving and decided I didn't want to be followed or found later. I crouched and sprang for the nearest tree, jumping to another for four miles or so until I found a large one, at least twenty feet up. I climbed and stopped a few feet from the top. I laid and let one leg fall off to the side, and stayed there until we left for Forks.

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**A/N: Well, here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy. I dunno, it was kinda uneventful and I felt like it was difficult to write this one, but I still think it turned out all right. I've got two different ideas for the next chapter, but I want your feedback. I will be waiting for THREE votes on what should happen. That's not that hard, guys. I have confidence in you, that you can pull it off. It's one simple decision.**

**Jacob,**

**or no Jacob. **

**IF you vote to have Jacob in there, you have one other choice. That is, hostile Jake the ripper (hah, get it? jake the ripper, jack the ripper? oh, screw it), or the loving, docile Jakeypoo. You don't even HAVE to vote for that one, because I'll choose myself if you don't vote. But I really, REALLY want your opinion on whether or not to bring him in in the first place. **

**So, I think I've said enough. I'll put a poll up on my page, but they never seem to work for me, so you might just be better off voting in your REVIEW. Get it? So you have to review this time! Seriously. lol Anyway, I'll try putting the poll up... after I post this...**

**Uh, I'll prolly post the next chapter tonight, DEPENDING ON HOW MANY OF YOU VOTE AND REVIEW!**

**So, good luck to you all.**

**-dsmldejection**


	4. Chapter 4

Through the night, the trees grew frozen and still despite the occasional breeze. But by sunrise, the ice turned to slush, and the slush to water. I absentmindedly flicked the leaves holding the water, and with the speed of my finger, a hole broke through the middle, draining the water. I listened, closing my eyes, as the water dripped from one leaf to another directly below it. At around eight in the morning, I heard Alice's thoughts break through the barrier I had constructed during my lonesome night.

_We're ready to go, Edward. Are you alright? Are you coming with us? _My eyes snapped open. I sighed and lifted my hand, beginning to pick myself off of the sturdy branch on which I'd spent the night, but noticed the slight quivering motion it made. I sat back down and picked up the other hand, and noticed it was doing the same. _I'm shaking. _I thought. _I... I can't let them see me like this._ I whipped my head around and down, searching for a reason for me to lag behind them. In passing, my eye caught the leaf holding the water from the night before. I did a double take, and noticed my reflection in it. My lips were pulled down as if by an impenetrable force, the bags under my eyes seemed to have doubled in size since the night before, and my eyes were a deep, hollow black. I smiled, seeing my loophole. I called back, my voice slightly more elevated than normal.

"I'll come not far behind you. I need to hunt, and soon."

_Should I come with you? Make our private hunt this morning?_

"No." I snapped, too fiercely. "There's no need. Jasper could use your support. Give him a bright light in the weight of the darkness. I'll come along soon."

_Thank you, Edward. That meant a lot to me... You sure you'll be along?_

I made a theatrical move at smelling the air, and caught the scent of blood setting in from the west. I heard Alice's voice shout to me from where ever she was, "Be careful. We can't lose another family member. Not now." I paused, letting the wave of hurt wash over me before I took off. Sometimes the way she cared, how selfless she could be, especially for me, was so maddening. I know she meant well, but sometimes it wasn't needed.

Sometimes, it hurt.

I stood at the base of the branch, placing my hand carefully on the trunk of the tree, and moved my neck to the left and right, feeling it crack and relishing in the feeling. I blinked heavily, feeling the thick blanket of the predator pull over my head. I collapsed quickly into a crouch, pulled in another strong breath, and took off to the west. I ran, putting all of my concentration into the speed. My weight left no footprints. Without thinking, my lips pulled up, exposing my teeth. The wind dried the venom in my mouth, and excess flooded my mouth, further drowning my thoughts.

After a few miles, I crossed the path of the scent. I backtracked and made a wide turn, following the trail. As I neared the prey, I put my mind back to work, carefully pinpointing the species. When I finally figured it out-- I was out of practice, it had been a while since I'd hunted in Alaska-- I stopped without anther thought. Wolves. Six of them. My mouth watered, picturing the flow of their blood down my aching throat- I stopped myself, though it pained me. I remembered _her_, when we were in her kitchen, filling out college forms. I shivered as the memory crashed into my thoughts like a wrecking ball.

"_It won't be the same for me," She whispered. We were, of course, talking about her change. "You won't let me be like that." I tensed, foreseeing yet another argument on the subject. "We'll move to Antarctica." I snorted, picturing the hunt._

"_Penguins. Lovely." She laughed and 'accidentally' knocked the newspaper off the table._

"_Alaska, then, as planned." She said, indifferent. "Only somewhere much more remote then Juneau-- somewhere with grizzlies galore." I thought, picturing _that_ hunt, making specific mental changes._

"_Better. There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves there get quite large." I was about to return to the depths of my thoughts, imagining what it would be like, when I heard Bella seem to gasp outward. _

"_What's wrong?" I asked, terrified. I began listening into her body closer, hearing her heart, her pulse, her blood. Suddenly I realized my mistake. Wolves were a touchy subject for her, to say the least._

"_Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you." I cursed myself. How could I be so arrogant?_

"_He was my best friend, Edward. Of course the idea offends me." Her words stung me, just as I was sure mine stung her._

"_Please forgive my thoughtlessness." I begged. "I shouldn't have suggested that." I watched from the corner of my eye as her hands rose from her lap and laid on the table, clenched into tight fists. I fought the urge to break them open._

"_Don't worry about it." She said, also noticing her hands._

I swallowed down all the venom in my mouth and locked it shut tight, stopping all flow of air into my nose. I turned on a dime and headed back in the opposite direction for another few miles. Cautious, I swallowed again and pulled in a wary breath and caught the scent of another animal. With a pained sigh, I followed it, and settled for a pack of caribou. After a few hours and a few more caribou, I turned south and headed back to the source of all of my nightmares-- or whatever it is they are. It was a half a day's run, but I knew I would arrive around the same time as my family, maybe a bit later, because of their slower pace by car. Once I reached the general area, I picked up the scent of the La Push pack. I moved slightly to the side without a thought, averting my path from their territory, and continued on to Forks.

It was dark when I arrived at the large white house in the woods. I refused to call this casing for horror my home. Everyone had heard my approach and gotten themselves ready, cleanly dressed in sleek, all black clothing. I met them at the front porch but did not climb the steps. I had no plans on entering the structure again. Alice came out first to meet me, and by the tone of her thoughts she expected me to come in and change, allowing her a chance to talk to me. I shook my head quickly, disguising it as a nervous tick. Nobody could differentiate fact from fiction with me anymore. I was a deep, dark cave, which could not be entered under any circumstances. But Alice knew what I was doing. Alice's breath hitched in her throat, but she--- for me-- disguised it with a short clearing of her throat, a motion which everyone followed behind her. I turned on my heel and walked from the house, heading in the direction of the meadow. We had discussed her place of rest, and I decided the meadow was probably her favorite place, and that she would be laid there. I ran ahead of the pack, arriving first at the circle.

The edges of the meadow had been crowded with candles, a strong and clearly fake freesia smell leaking from them, and a low, light flame rising above them. I sauntered into the circle and walked off to the right of the dark mahogany casket, leaving room for the rest of my family. I mentally praised Carlisle for making it a closed casket ceremony. I couldn't stand to look into her eyes again. Once all of my family had crowded into a circle at the edge of the woods, Carlisle and Esme moved toward the center. I glanced around me, taking the figures of my brothers and sisters to mind. Emmett and Rosalie stood farthest from me, holding each other and standing very close. Emmett's left arm was wrapped around Rosalie's hip, and Rosalie's arms were draped securely around Emmett's waist, nearly meeting on his right side.

Jasper and Alice stood closer to me, and they were wrapped just about as tight. Alice was closest to me, Jasper on her left, and she had her right arm wrapped almost protectively around Jasper's front, her hand reaching up to lay on his left shoulder. The other arm was around the back of him, lightly stroking the back of his head. Her head lay softly on his shoulder. Jasper was completely focused on keeping himself together, wincing slightly once and a while from the brute force of the emotions around him. The dark circles under his eyes had grown with the immense stress. His right arm wrapped around Alice, and his left hand lay on her right hand. Again, I was awe struck at the way their carried themselves, and each other. I winced, longing for my own love, and Jasper answered. A wave of calm happiness washed over me, but I-- disguising it as another nervous tick-- shook it off with a shake of my head.

_Sorry. _He seemed to shrug. _Just trying to help._

I nodded. Another tick.

Without warning, Carlisle began to speak.

"We are all gathered here today to honor the brightest light in our lives, Isabella Cullen. She came at a perfect time for our family, and has left a deep imprint in out hearts and minds." I tuned him out, only pretending to listen. I peaked into the minds of my family, and saw that each one of them was sobbing. Even Alice, who had pulled at her own emotion to stay in check for her husband, had her face buried deep in Jasper's shirt. Carlisle's speech ended, and Esme stepped forward to speak. When she was done, Emmett stood forward. After a short amount of time, my head had turned completely away from the ceremony, trying with all of my strength to make it through. I nearly turned and ran, when I heard the low padding of four heavy paws on the earth. I stood straight and listened hard, tracking it's direction. After a few moments, I realized the source.

Jacob Black.

He stopped a mile or so away, and tucked his muzzle into the ground for a moment. With a short sniff of the air, I wanted to do the same. I peaked into his thoughts, and saw he didn't know I was aware of his presence. I waited until he was looking back in our direction, and I looked directly at him. With a snort he pawed at the ground, did a short turn in place, and started walking away. I listened to him fight with himself in his mind, and winced when her name emerged. He winced as well, and turned back to face me, letting his head fall to the right. I gave a barely noticeable shrug, and he seemed to nod, laying down where he stood. _I loved her._ He thought. I already knew this, but it hurt my head to hear it. But I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I nodded. With that, we both turned back to the ceremony.

I didn't listen hard.

Emmett concluded with how much he would miss her klutziness. Rosalie said she wished she'd gotten to know her better. Jasper wished he'd been able to spend more time with her, though he didn't say it. And Alice said she'd miss the sister she loved like a blood relative. With that heavy blow, Jacob stood and turned away. The anger and denial screamed out in his mind, and with a backward kick at the ground, spraying dirt about the ground, he took off. I listened to the mind numbing thump of his footsteps until I was yanked back to reality. Alice's hand laid on my shoulder and she pulled my dazed body back to the house. I looked back blankly at Emmett and Carlisle with shouvles. It was almost two miles before I realized they were burying her. With the realization, I stopped and turned, wanting to see her again. Alice stopped a few yards away, longing for me to come. I looked back to her, and could only mouth the word 'Sorry' to her, before I took off back to the clearing.

I closed my eyes as I entered the clearing, and stood for a few moments, relishing in the silence. Carlisle had stopped Emmett with my arrival, and they had backed to the far left side of the clearing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, walking to the casket. It was still on the stand, and there was a large hole behind it beginning to form. With another deep breath, I opened the casket, and looked inside.

She was just as perfect as I'd last seen her, though now dressed differently. She wore her favorite shirt of mine, and her eyes were closed. I stared, hoping to have some revelation, or maybe to drop dead right there. I wasn't sure. But nothing came. Only an empty feeling in my gut. With a sigh, I turned away. Away from my Bella. Away from my family. Away from my life. I was about to break out into a full run, when her heart started beating.

* * *

**A/N: Isn't it funny how adding 'one more page' can add up to like, three? Jesus, I just kept writing and writing and writing! I spent like half an hour. Jeez.**

**Alrighty, anyways, here you go.**

**I have... literally nothing to say, so enjoy! lol**

**blegh,**

**-dsmldejection**


	5. I'm Alive! Now Watch My Stories!

-crawls out from under rock-

-brushes self off-

-looks around-

-notices fans sitting on the edge of their seats-

-waves like an idiot-

Hey! What's up, guys? How you all been doing? -cough-

Yeah, so I know the last update was in like... October. And I'm real sorry about that. I had sort of a dark period there. But I've found a lot of free time seeing as I've pretty much stopped going to school and I sit around the house all day.

So a couple nights ago I couldn't sleep and I started thinking of new story ideas. I've come up with five new story lines, a few comedies, and the fact that I still have to finish The Sick Passing of Time, Broken Hallelujah, and write the sequel to A Single Mistake. So, I've got a lot on my plate right now. I will first finish this story, because I've been so rude and kept you all waiting for so very long. Then I'll finish Broken Hallelujah, and then I'll start a new story! So, hold on to your hats, because you're about to be drowned with dsmldejection's writing.

Hopefully you'll all forgive me and stay as loyal as you all used to be. When I updated. xD

Thanks so much! Updates will be up as soon as I write them!

-dsmldejection


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: Before we begin, let me again apologize for hiding under a rock for... -checks calendar- _forever._ I know you all forgive me... but I have to say it anyway.**

**I want to mention one quick thing that I'm kinda proud about before I mention something actually about the story...**

**I don't know if any of my readers do any work in FLVS, an online school source. If you are, look out for the fanfiction podcast. For on it, english teacher Ms. Emery has interviewed me and read an exerpt from THIS story and will be posting it sometime within the next week. I think this is TOTALLY awesome, and I'll try and see if I can link it here for you guys to see it. As I mentioned, I'm really proud of it, some kind of an achievement for me, and I hope you'll all get to share the joy with me!**

**As for this chapter, it moves forward a little, as you all want. I want you to look out for a few things here, and I'll mention them at the end of the story. **

**Enjoy!**

**-dsmldejection  
**

* * *

The sound of her heartbeat knocked me over, and I fell to my knees on the ground. I listened in Carlisle's mind as he took another glance and pulled Emmett out of the clearing. They all realized what was happening. That I was leaving because of my Bella. And now she was alive. I turned around, on all fours and stood up in mid run. I was able to stop just a yard away from her, and she stood slowly, standing up in the casket.

As I'd expected, she didn't look right. I remembered that I'd bitten her at her neck, her wrists, and the back of her knees. All of these places were changed-- in fact, most of her body was. The only exception was her chest and the insides of her elbows. She seemed dazed and very confused. I blinked heavily and walked to her, extending my hand for her to grasp as she climbed down from the casket. She warily grabbed my hand, and we both froze. Her skin was now the same temperature as mine, and was much less soft. Less breakable. She seemed to almost gasp and collapse, but she caught herself almost mechanically in mid fall and pulled her hand away, jumping backward from the casket. She took off running in the direction of La Push territory. I stood, unmoving, completely unaware of what had just happened.

Finally, I regained my composure and called out, "Alice!" She was at my side in an instance, and we took off running. I looked to her as we reached the border, and she shook her head.

"It's amazing, I've never seen a vampire like it-- even a newborn. She's so instinctive, almost like her dog friend. I don't think she's made a single decision yet. She just goes numb and follows her feet."

I thought for a moment. "I don't think she's exactly a vampire. It was too fast, and you didn't see her skin. It was speckled, like the venom only changed the parts of her body it could get to before... you know." She nodded. "The thing I'm curious about now is if the change will continue now that her heart's beating again, or if the venom is all used up, keeping her alive like that. For her sake, I hope it's done, because if the change starts up again while she's on pack territory..." I didn't want to finish, and Alice knew what I was getting to.

_I think she can handle herself. She's confused, but she's strong. I think we should back up a bit, but keep a close watch on the border. She's bound to break through some time. _

I nodded and we backed up a few miles, running a cover around a large area of the border. I kept a close watch for her thoughts, wishful thinking on my end. I didn't tell Alice I was hoping.

**BPOV**

When you wake up from nothing, you might expect it to be slow, like drifting up to the surface. Like when you wake up on a Saturday morning, unusually slow for a change. My waking wasn't. I jolted upright, and started to try and stand. My legs felt strange, like they didn't fit my body. I was unusually still when a man appeared in front of me. His eyes were pained, confused, longing. What about, I was unsure. As I rose, he stepped forward and reached out his hand, offering help. I almost smiled, but as I touched his skin, a flash of pain racked through my heart. The pain made me gasp, and I fell, but jumped, getting away from him. Whoever he was-- _whatever_ he was-- didn't like it.

When I pulled myself from my thoughts, I realized I was running. With another blink, I realized I wasn't breathing. I gasped, pulling in a strong gasp, and gagged. I stopped dead in my tracks, doubled over to throw up. After dry heaving for a few moments, I heard footsteps walk from in front of me, to my side. I looked up, and saw a large, russet-brown wolf, the size of a bear pacing to my right. It sniffed the air and made a coughing sound, and I barred my teeth for an unknown reason. It walked out from the trees when it noticed I was watching, it's head low. I watched as it walked toward me and stopped. Another pain ripped through me, this time an emptier feeling in my stomach. Then, it snarled and pushed dirt out from under it's back feet. It was about to charge.

I ran, heading south then turning slightly to the east. I listened closely as the wolf's footsteps slowed and finally stopped, left in the dust behind me. It made a lower coughing sound, then turned back from where we'd come from. After a few miles, the horrid smell died out, but one of the man who I'd seen when I'd woken appeared, so I turned again, slightly back to the west and kept running.

Finally, all the smells died out. I stopped abruptly, and sniffed the air around me. The smell that stood out to me was a sweet smell, something better than anything I could have ever eaten. My stomach called to me, begging to find the source of this wonderfully amazing scent. It smelled so close, like I was standing right on it. I looked down, and it smelled stronger. The back of my throat itched like a million bugs were crawling down it. I dropped down to my hands and knees and started scouring the ground, trying to find it. I brushed my hands from left to right across the ground, and finally I found it. I looked at my arm very closely, and could see a small section of blood barely pumping through it. My mouth watered, though I was very confused. I crawled backward and sat up against a tree, smelling my arm. Finally, I couldn't take it. With a pain-filled screech, I bit into my arm, and relished in the taste of it. The pain was unbearable, but I couldn't stop. At one point, I felt sick and I laid down, arm still in my mouth. I had no idea what I was, who I was, or even what I was doing. But it felt horrible, and amazingly perfect all at the same time.

**EPOV**

As I reached the far south end of the border for the seventeenth time, two of my senses gave way. First, I smelled her scent, heading in which direction I could not tell, but it was there. Only two directions to choose from now. I was about to call out to Alice, but then I heard a scream. Alice was at my side in seconds, and she immediately understood. Now, we knew exactly where she was. We ran, discussing on the way. It was easier for her to think it, so I went along with it.

_At least she's off pack territory, right? _

I laughed darkly. "If any of them saw her, the treaty won't matter anymore. We've probably got somewhere between thirty minutes to an hour, and that's if they didn't see her."

Alice was silent.

"I'm just worrying about why she screamed, at the moment. Was it something as serious as someone attacking her? Or was it just her realizing what she is?"

Alice thought hard, trying to force a vision. _I... I can't see her. It's all dark. But it's not the same dark as the wolves now, at least. It's like... like she can't think. Like she's not able to. There's too much suffocating her mind._

I thought about that for a moment, when realization hit me. "Isn't it like that, in a way, when we hunt? Like our thirst is so strong when we've gone too long without a drink that we can't think about anything else but it? Maybe she was able to find a drink... we can only hope it wasn't an innocent bystander." Alice nodded and we sped up. Almsot immediately we caught her scent again and in another instant, we had reached her. I stopped, grabbing Alice with me and backed up a step, behind the bushes. We peaked in, and we saw she was crying. She lay on the ground, head tucked tightly into her elbow. We smelled the air, and smelt blood, but it was too muffled by the smell of her venom to pin point what kind of blood it was. I turned to Alice.

"If she hasn't attacked us or took off running, she must obviously be too upset to care. I think though, if both of us go in there, she'll be frightened and run off. I can handle this. You go and tell the rest of the family that we've found her and to meet us at the house in Alaska. We can't stay here, obviously. I'll talk to her and bring her along as soon as possible." Alice nodded and turned, hugging me just before she ran off.

_Be safe_ she thought just after she left. I nodded and turned, walking very slowly into the opening. I waited for a moment, and whispered, "Bella?" When she didn't respond, I swallowed hard and walked over to her. I crouched down and reached out my hand slowly, then pulled her arm back slowly from her head. I gasped at what I saw, almost falling backward a bit.

Bella's eyes were droopy and very unfocused. Everywhere from her nose and down on her face was covered in blood. When I was this close, I recognized the scent and quickly stopped breathing. I pulled her arm out of her mouth-- an easy task in her weak state-- and ran, due north.

We arrived at the house about forty-five minutes before the rest of the family, and by the time I'd set her down on the bed in Carlisle's room, she'd closed her eyes completely and had not moved. With a peck on her forehead, I took off into the forest and killed a few small deer. I carried them back to the house and left them outside while I grabbed a glass. Holding my breath, I was able to squeeze a glassful of blood without problem. I grabbed a straw and brought it to her side. I held the glass just under her nose, and when she smelled it, she picked up her arm, preparing to feed off herself again, but I pushed it away and stuck the straw in her mouth. Within seconds she'd drank it down, and now she started to twitch and move, like coming to life again.

I left for another glass, then another, and another. Before long she'd finished off both carcasses without even seeing them. By the last glass she was fully awake, but so confused and exhausted that she didn't move an inch. After disposing of the leftover blood and dead animals I came back inside and sat by the bed. She finally spoke up, her voice beautiful though rough and cracked from her dry throat.

"I feel like I know you." Her brow knit together in the frustration of trying to figure me out. "Why?" We were both silent for a moment, and then her face changed to realization. "What am _I_? I just drank _blood_. That's not normal."

I nodded. "Let's go for a run, shall we?"

She thought for a moment, seeming torn. I could only assume that this was her heart interfering with her instinct. Her mind did not serve a place, for she could not remember a thing from her past life. I could only assume because, despite tiring attepmts to hear her, I could not pull her thoughts to my mind. After a moment she nodded, and I helped her up from the bed. We went out the front, for the smell of deer was still very strong in the back. We ran east, though we scarcely paid attention to where we were going. I only kept watch because I knew she couldn't go near humans.

She was silent for most of our leaving. Finally, after fierce thought, she spoke.

"Who am I? What's my name?"

The venom flowed in my mouth with the thought of her name. "Isabella Swan, Bella, as you prefer." She nodded and fell silent again.

"Do I have family?" She asked. I thought hard about this one. Didn't she deserve to know about her mother and father? But would it make her sad? I decided it didn't matter.

"Yes. You live with your father in Washington. Your mother lives in Florida with your stepfather, Phil. But, I'm your family too." I mentioned the last part a bit quieter. She noticed it and fell silent for a third time.

"How are you related to me?" Her eyes were pools of red confusion.

"I... I'm your husband. We were wed about a month ago." We were both silent, not making eye contact. "I... I love you."

I stopped, dead in my tracks, and she ran ahead only a couple yards. Once she stopped, she walked very slowly to me, and she looked as though she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"I love you." I said it with more passion this time, more like knowing than suggesting. She reached me now, and seemed almost in disbelief.

"What are you talking about? I... I don't even know you! This is cra--"

I didn't even give her a chance to finish. She was bewildered into an unearthly stillness as I kissed her. It was a few moments before she responded, and to my delight she didn't push me away. Instead, she flinched and her eyes glazed over for a few seconds, and she kissed me back.

_She kissed me back!_ My mind rejoyced. But does she remember? I pulled away, and she panted a little, smiling.

"Oh, Edward!" She screamed, pushing herself up against me. I laughed and ran off back to the house. She stood, dazed, and then finally ran after me. It wasn't long before she'd caught up to me and eventually passed me completely, stopping a mile or so ahead to wait. I ran past her, and we arrived at the house at the same time. We were stunned to realize that the rest of our family arrived with us.

Alice ran headlong at Bella, knocking her over in her arms. Bella burst out laughing and wiggled out of Alice's arms. Emmett snickered, and everyone else laughed openly.

**BPOV**

After I stood up, Carlisle approached me, his eyes unimaginably sad.

"Bella I... I'm so sorry. I don't know what went wrong. But I'm sure it was my fault. I offer you my complete apology." While he spoke, Esme walked up next to him and snaked her arm around his. She smiled warmly at me, a sort of 'welcome home'.

"Carlisle, you know I don't blame you. That's ridiculous! I could never hold you responsible for such a horrendous thing. Please, don't beat yourself up." Carlisle nodded and walked closer to me, hugging me in a very fatherly way.

"Thank you, Carlisle. Esme." They both nodded and back up to stand with the rest of the family.

"Now, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened?" I asked, almost confused enough to really scratch my head. They all look to each other, and Edward stepped forward to me, preparing to speak.

* * *

A/N:** Okay, here's the things I noticed when I was writing this, but that you might not have picked up:**

**-In this section,**

'As I rose, he stepped forward and reached out his hand, offering help. I almost smiled, but as I touched his skin, a flash of pain racked through my heart.'

**I remember when I was writing out the basis of this story, that I knew Bella would know Edward in her heart, but not her mind. This is what stands out to me, that the pain is in her heart, and not anywhere else. Like the knowledge in there is trying to get to her brain.**

**-In this section,**

'I gasped, pulling in a strong gasp, and gagged. I stopped dead in my tracks, doubled over to throw up. After dry heaving for a few moments, I heard footsteps walk from in front of me, to my side. I looked up, and saw a large, russet-brown wolf, the size of a bear pacing to my right. It sniffed the air and made a coughing sound, and I barred my teeth for an unknown reason. It walked out from the trees when it noticed I was watching, it's head low. I watched as it walked toward me and stopped. Another pain ripped through me, this time an emptier feeling in my stomach. Then, it snarled and pushed dirt out from under it's back feet. It was about to charge.'

**A few things happen here. First, she gags, obviously, because the werewolf she sees (Jacob) is very, very smelly. Next, when it coughs, it smells her, who is also very, very smell to him. -snickers- This time, when she sees Jake, she also knows him in her heart, not her mind. But this time, it's how she felt through most of New Moon. It was sort of an empty feeling, and she felt it a LOT around Jacob. Unfortunately, this is the feeling her body groups with the sight of Jacob. Lastly, it does that whole stereo-typical bull thing where it kicks up dust behind it, as a warning that it's abotu to charge. The reason he does this is because he doesn't really want to have to kill her. So he just hopes that if he gives her that warning, she might run off and not have to kill her.**

**-In this section,**

'It made a lower coughing sound, then turned back from where we'd come from.'

**That lower coughing sound is not a cough. Remember in Eclipse, when Jasper was training the wolves and the Cullens for the newborn fight? Jake sat with Bella for some of the time, and he made a coughing sound when he laughed. He made a somewhat similar sound here, only lower, as if crying or sobbing.**

**-In this section,**

'Instead, she flinched and her eyes glazed over for a few seconds, and she kissed me back.'

**Bella remembers! That kiss was enough to remind her head what her heart was thinking, and to remember Edward. Obviously, she must, for she kisses him back! Everybody, together! 'AWWWE!'**

**So, as you know, I love cliff hangers. Plus, I felt like I needed to get this up ASAP. So, I hope you enjoyed!**

**As always, REVIEW! R. E. V. I. E. W.!**

**Write it a few times, maybe you'll remember. It's a good study method!**

**Thanks,**

**-dsmldejection**


	7. Share My Excitement!

Hey guys!

So, I'm working on the next chapter, but remember how last chapter I said that I'd been interviewed for my school thing? Well I've got the url!

Celebrate with me!

The site is www(dot)englishinquisitor(dot)wordpress(dot)com

Check it out! Episode Eight, Megan Stirling That's me!

New chapter up asap,

-dsmldejection


	8. Guilty News

Hey guys. Bad news.

I feel really guilty about this, but I have no choice. My house recently foreclosed, so I've got about a week to pack up my shit and leave. I'll be out for at least a month, seeing as it'll be a week of packing, a week for relocating, and another week of trying to get caught back up in school.

I PROMISE though, that when I get semi-settled again, I'll update like.... fuckin' all the time. I swear.

Until then,

-dsmldejection


	9. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

Yay! Next chapter! Enjoy!

-cabbage patches-

-gets tomato thrown at me-

-dsmldejection

* * *

**EPOV**

I felt oddly like twiddling my thumbs, though I suppressed the feeling. I felt my mouth open a few times, preparing to speak, but would then leak nothing but silence.

_Shall I start you off?_ Carlisle asked silently. I thought for a moment and nodded, thankful.

"Well then," he began. "Bella, what happened to you... I've never seen it before in my life. You were so strange during the change. You transformed all too quickly, like your body was expecting it and just soaked the venom up like a sponge."

I chimed in. "It was nothing of your fault. I guess it could have happened with anyone. I watched you the whole time and I could tell from the beginning something wasn't right. Within a few hours you were almost completely pale, and your heart sounded uncharacteristically weak. After a day or so, it just stopped. By then you had lapsed into a coma, and we... we didn't know what to do." I shook as I remembered the horrible day, just hours ago. I was dazed, and stared at the ground now.

"I hated myself. I had held out for so long, and when I finally changed you, it didn't even work. I blamed myself for your death, and well, the rest is irrelevant." I looked up to Bella, her eyes sad and horrified all at the same time. She took a step forward, wary, and then locked me into a hug. She laid her head on my shoulder and I almost laughed at how good it felt to have her there. After a moment though, I felt her nails dig into my shirt. I pulled away to look at her, and her eyes had suddenly turned much darker.

"Come, you're thirsty." She didn't hesitate as I pulled her off into the woods.

**BPOV**

Edward had no trouble bringing me to hunt. I didn't even have room to be nervous, and it all happened very quickly. Before long I'd gone through a few packs of elk and a bear. We walked home quietly, barely speaking much. Something was on my mind, and I knew he could tell, but I couldn't tell him. Not now. Not yet.

**EPOV**

Bella's silence made me nervous. I knew she was keeping something from me, but I couldn't begin to imagine what it was. Though I wished to ask her what was on her mind, I couldn't bring myself to voice it. The strange beat of her heart lulled me into a censored state of mind and I didn't prod her. I watched closely in my perepheral vision as she squinted slightly and chewed on her lip. She pulled in a breath preparing to speak, but it left her again. My left hand twitched and found itself holding her right, and I used this to my advantage. She seemed shocked, most likely jolted from her thoughts, and I grabbed her other hand. My eyes flickered down to the ground below us and we sat on the bare ground.

"What's wrong, my love? It hurts me so knowing something's bothering you and you refuse to share!" I wanted to smile but a frown pushed it's way through.

"I..." Her mouth clamped shut and she started chewing on her lip again. She avoided my eyes. I thought for a moment and then kissed her. It felt like it lasted centuries. Like the time before her, at a few thousand miles per hour. Like... it was just us. Us, together, alone. I set her free and she batted her eyelashes, and finally she spoke.

"I guess I've been wondering... Are you going to try and complete the change? Finish changing... me?" My jaw fell open, and I quickly clamped it shut. Her eyes looked hurt, and I stuttered a bit, trying to find an excuse.

"I... I..." I stuttered uncontrollably. Bella's eyes looked so hurt. Then she became angry, snapping at me.

"So you bring me half way and then you don't want to finish the job? Is that it, Edward? You can't leave me like this! I want to eat myself right now as it is!" My heart was breaking.

"No, no, Bella! Silly girl, it would never be anything like that! One of these days," I made careful knocks on her head, "you're going to have to get that through that head of yours!" She seemed to loosen a bit. "I'm just... I'm just so afraid, Isabella Marie Cullen! I've lost you before... recently! And I can't imagine having to go through it any time soon." I thought. "Or ever, for that matter." Her eyes were pained.

"Your hunger is certainly a problem though. I noticed earlier you went for your arm first when you smelled blood. It was terrifying, seeing you kill _yourself_ like that. I hope to never see that again..." Bella was still silent.

"Let's go talk to Carlisle, shall we?" I suggested. She seemed okay with the proposition and we started off back to the house.

I listened as we neared the house, and found Carlisle was up in his study. Her hand in mine, we walked in through the back door and up the stairs, stopping slightly before the open door, when Carlisle motioned us in. He held his arm out to the chairs before his desk.

"Please, sit." His smile was forced. He already knew what the conversation was going to be about. _How worried are you?_

I did not make any obvious movement, like a raised set of eyebrows signaling immense fear or a frown signaling for disinterest. _Not very, then? Surprising..._

I heard his laugh in his thoughts.

"Well then," He began. "As you can clearly tell from the array of literature across my space, I've been reading up on vampire history. It seems no one else has seen anything quite like your case either, Bella." I imagined her cheeks going bright red and frowned. "There are no records of any change stopping half way through and then the subject waking later. So that means, if we decide to continue the change, I will have no notes to base your care on. Do you understand?" He looked to us both, I looked to Bella.

"C... could I really die?" I frowned, as did Carlisle. His was more out of frustration than mine was.

"That's the thing, dear. I have literally no idea. I'm sure there's a possibility, but I have no prior experience-- or anyone else's prior experience for that matter-- to base the attempt on. I'm sorry."

Everything was silent. The room. The floor of the house. The entire house, as a matter of fact. A peak into each one of my sibling's and mother's minds told me everyone was listening. I couldn't help but think of them as cowards for hiding in their rooms while this occurred. Not one of them was with us, offering love or support. I felt abandoned and forgotten. I nearly flinched when I broke out of my depressive stare and found Bella's bright red eyes staring at me. An odd tear rolled down her cheek, something that surprised me. I nodded. _It's your decision, my love, _I thought. She seemed to understand.

"If it means dying next to my love, or living forever with him, I'll take the chance." She did not look at Carlisle. My eye brows raised slightly out of fear. My eyes were sore, something I'd forgotten the feeling of. She took a deep breath, reaching her hand out between us. I grabbed it mechanically and we stood in unison. We walked in utter silence-- the house still lacked conversation and movement-- up to our room and shut the door. I watched her as she pulled me to the large window on the back wall of the house. The air blew in a large rush past her and into the room, adding a fresh stamp of the scent of her blood. I sat on the edge and she sat i my lap, our hands still linked together.

We stayed there in each other's silence for a few hours and listened as the house and the woods came alive. There was still little movement, but I could hear couples making conversation in their respective rooms. I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed it softly. She did the same to mine. Near dawn, Carlisle was knocking lightly on the door.

"Come in," I murmured.

With a clearing of his throat, Carlisle spoke. "I don't mean to rush you both. I know this is a hard thing to do. But I'm growing more worrisome by the hour. I'm afraid that the little parts of Bella's body that are still human will be starved soon and start to die. I feel it's necessary to continue the change as soon as possible." I was silent, in awe.

"Yes, let's do it. Come on, Edward." She stood and pulled me up with her. I let go of her hand as she walked to the bed where this had all started. She sat down lightly and held out her hand gracefully.

"When ever you're ready, dear." I felt my eyes widen. How could she already be ready for this? How is she not as in awe as me! I was on the verge of ripping my hair out of the scalp! Bella took notice to my facial expression.

"Edward, I have all the faith left in me... in you. I know you can do it. It's nothing. Soon enough I'll be with you. Forever." The bags under her eyes seemed to scream out to me. She looked so tired. Done, it seemed. Like this was it. But I couldn't let her down. I had no choice but to oblige.

With a worrisome heart, shaky hands, and a all around painful body, I sat at her side, grabbed her arms, and leaned in. I bit her, and it was like hell... All over again.

* * *

**A/N:**

Yay! Next chapter!

I'm super excited to get the last chapter or two out for you guys. Hopefully you guys haven't like completely given up hope for me.

I'd hope to get the next chapter out tonight. We'll see how it goes.

What do you do now?

Review! Yeah! -cough-

Thanks,

-dsmldejection


	10. Chapter 7

**EPOV**

Bella held herself amazingly still. I could tell it was unnaturally vampire-like. I bit in the folds of her elbows where she'd been drinking herself and her chest just above her bosom. She looked at me with pained eyes. It reminded me a bit of Esme. I smiled but I knew she would tell I was faking for her. She smiled a genuine smile but cried out soon after.

I stood, too numb to sit. My arms hung uselessly at my sides. I could not move. Carlisle stayed this time, not moving like me. She moved around restlessly and then laid still, her heart beating erratically. My head snapped up almost painfully fast.

"Carlisle, I have a very wrong feeling about this. I... I don't know what will happen. She seemed so calm. It was wrong..." My mouth drifted closed slowly. Carlisle did not make eye contact with me.

"I know. It felt wrong to me too. I... I tried speaking with you. I thought as loudly as I could but you... you were too dazed. I couldn't get through to you in your mind to tell you of my worries so I had no choice but to come in person." He thought silently for a moment. I gave him privacy. "I don't know what will happen. I'm sorry, Edward."

"D... don't say sorry. It's not over yet. She's strong when she wants to be. Maybe she can make it through." I longed for my words to be truthful.

**BPOV**

The flame burned. Worse than before. I remembered in the beginning the first time, I could feel the fire move through me. It was stationary this time. I struggled to reach out. To beg for help. But I couldn't move. I found myself trapped in my body. Trapped in the flames.

I knew I would die. Just not _when_.

**EPOV**

At seven thirteen in the morning, Bella slipped silently into a coma once again. I did not sit. I stood, still motionless since my conversation with Carlisle, and thought about nothing. My family came to visit her over the next hour. All of the women were crying, clutching tightly onto their mate. I longed to cry. To hold on to Bella and cry with her. But I could not move.

At seven fifty-two that same morning, she passed. This time we waited. For days it seemed. I was not sure of how long I waited. I just stood there and watched. Waited for her body to reanimate as it did before. For her mangled, discolored, beautiful body to twitch and move. For her to wake and to love me as before.

But alas, she did not. I was numb and unresponsive, though completely aware, as my family came in again, one by one to apologize and say their good byes. I was the same when they came in separately and argued with me. I did not speak. They yelled and cried and screamed, begging me to come with them. Alice was the last to come in.

She wore black, head to toe. She held two bags, one in each hand, and a handkerchief. She placed one bag on the floor and wiped her nose unnecessarily with the handkerchief. She spoke, though I did not hear her. She waited for a moment, waiting for me to respond. When I did not, she grabbed the bag again, placed a peck lightly on my cheek, and left. I listened, still unmoving, as they placed the remaining bags in the car and drove away.

I stayed there, unmoving, until I too finally passed.

Cause of death: a broken heart. Torn to shreds by fate.

* * *

**A/N:**

Hey, y'all. Obviously, that's it. Sorry for the corny last line. It just kind of came to me and seemed to fit beautifully.

It was so sad, I must say. Some of you must be like 'How fucked up must you be to write that?' I'm wondering the same thing.

Writing that put me in a really bad place. I'm gonna go cry.

Please review! lol

-dsmldejection


	11. Author's Note!

**A/N:**

Hey guys, it's your favorite writer dsmldejection here again! I know, that was a little big headed, but I figure I deserve a little schmoozing seeing as I'm here updating.

The important news is, I'm going to start working on another work! It's probably going to be the one who is advertized on the poll on my page!

Obviously, the story will have to develop in a chapter or two before the actual problems talked about arise, so you still have a chance to get in a vote! So far, losing her sense of smell is winning, and I'm very happy about that. I'd love to do something so... so interestingly unique in my mind.

So go vote! I'll take down the poll once it comes time that I have to write that part.

Put me on author alert if you already haven't! That's the only way you'll see when I come out with a new story!

Hope to see you at the new story!

-dsmldejection


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